| No. in Series
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No. in Season
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Title
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Air Date
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Writer(s)
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Director
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| 1
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1
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"Pilot"
|
September 21, 2015
|
Justin Adler
|
Jason Winer
|
- In "Story One: First Date", Matt and Colleen return from their first date, but her ex-fiance Chad is still living at her house, and Matt is living with his parents Joan and John so they have sex in the car – and are caught by the police.
- In "Story Two: The Delivery", Jen's vagina is ripped during childbirth and needs her husband Greg's help in recovery.
- In "Story Three: The College Tour", Tim and Heather tour a college campus for their son Tyler. In the hotel, their elder daughter Samantha gets her first period and their younger daughter Sophia learns Santa is not real.
- In "Story Four: The Funeral", John celebrates his 70th birthday with a living funeral for himself. His children Matt, Greg and Heather participate with their families.
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| 2
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2
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Interruptus Date Breast Movin'
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September 28, 2015
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Justin Adler
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Jason Winer
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- In "Story One: Interruptus", Joan calls the entire family together to talk after Matt walks in on her having sex with John.
- In "Story Two: Second Date", Matt has financial and car troubles while on his second date with Colleen.
- In "Story Three: Breast-Feeding", Jen has trouble producing breast milk for her baby.
- In "Story Four: Movin' Out", Heather has hired ex-convicts to help her family move to their new house which is located across the street from her parents, John and Joan.
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| 3
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3
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Sleepy Email Brunch Tree
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October 5, 2015
|
Brad Copeland
|
Jeremy Garelick
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- In "Story One: Sleep Deprived", repeated caring for their infant daughter Lark has made Jen and Greg very sleepy. Troubles with a policeman begin when the sleepy Greg gets stopped during a night diaper run while driving at 14 MPH.
- In "Story Two: Heather Sends an Email", with only 10 minutes remaining, Heather tries to handle interruptions while writing and sending an email.
- In "Story Three: Colleen Meets the Family", Matt coaches Colleen on how to connect with the family when he invites her to brunch with them. They like her so much that they couldn't help but mention how they like her more than Matt's first wife. She didn't know that Matt had any wives.
- In "Story Four: The Felling", Tim has a very bad reaction to espresso while John, Matt and Greg try and fail to chop down a tree in Greg's backyard.
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| 4
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4
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Prison Baby Golf Picking
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October 12, 2015
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Kirker Butler
|
Jason Winer
|
- In "Story One: Chad's Last Meal", before Chad is to go away to jail for tax evasion, he gets one last meal with Matt, Colleen, and her grandmother Tonita after which he runs away.
- In "Story Two: Triangle", Greg tries to remain neutral between Jen and Joan, but his siblings praise him when they think that he stood up to Joan for questioning Jen's parenting skills.
- In "Story Three: New Beds", Sophia hates sleeping alone at the new house and has had a peanut stuck up her nose for two weeks.
- In "Story Four: Tim's Great Round", Matt, Greg and Heather each try to discourage Tim from beating John at a round of golf. During the last hole, John has a surprising way of getting Tim to lose.
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| 5
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5
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Babe Secret Phone Germs
|
October 19, 2015
|
Rolin Jones
|
Claire Scalon
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- In "Story One: Tyler's Girlfriend", when Tyler introduces his gorgeous new girlfriend Clementine to the family, Tim and Heather accidentally make things awkward.
- In "Story Two: Work Secrets", Matt and Colleen are caught making out at work by an annoying coworker, Will.
- In "Story Three: First Cellphone", without her parents' knowledge, John buys Sophia a cell phone.
- In "Story Four: Germs", Jen and Greg vow to not become germaphobes.
|
| 6
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6
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Ponzi Sex Paris Bounce
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November 5, 2015
|
Lesley Wake Webster
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Jason Winer
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- In "Story One: Ponzí", when Matt and Colleen catch Chad trying to dognap Princess, Chad pitches them a skincare direct selling venture.
- In "Story Two: Sex Green Light", Jen and Greg keep trying to get intimate for the first time since Lark was born.
- In "Story Three: Paris", Heather quits going to her longtime hairstylist, Lynette but tells her that it's because she's moving to Paris next week.
- In "Story Four: Bounce House", Tim ruins Samantha's birthday party by letting them watch the R-rated horror movie, Alien.
|
| 7
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7
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Nanny Tent Earrings Cheeto
|
November 12, 2015
|
Elizabeth Tippet
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Jason Winer
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- In "Story One: Nanny", when Jen and Greg interview potential nannies for Lark, they find it difficult to find any that they trust. They end up choosing Tonita.
- In "Story Two: Tent Diving", while Tim, Matt and Greg are camping, their attempt to deal with some tent "crashers" goes badly wrong.
- In "Story Three: Colleen's New Earrings", Heather falsely accuses Matt of using money she loaned him to buy Colleen earrings.
- In "Story Four: Cheeto", John makes a wooden puppet named "Cheeto" for Lark that various family members use to surprise and/or scare each other.
|
| 8
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8
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Godparent Turkey Corn Farts
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November 19, 2015
|
Maggie Mull
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Chad Lowe
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- In "Story One: Godparent", Jen and Greg debate who should be Lark's godparent.
- In "Story Two: The Mexican Market", Tim and Sophia search for a quick replacement for Heather's spoiled turkey.
- In "Story Three: The Maize Runner", at the Harvest Festival, Samantha sneaks into the corn maze with her boyfriend, Aiden.
- In "Story Four: Can't Keep It In", Joan invites their neighbor Gary Timpkins to Thanksgiving dinner, during which everyone has a bad reaction to Colleen's cauliflower rice dish.
|
| 9
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9
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Hospital Boudoir Time-Out Namaste
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November 26, 2015
|
Alec Sulkin
|
Fred Goss
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- In "Story One: First Night Out", when Jen cuts her finger and Greg takes her to the hospital, they finally have the first quality alone time they've had in months.
- In "Story Two: Boudoir Photos", Heather gives Tim a sexy anniversary gift.
- In "Story Three: Time-Out", Sophia is punished after Heather hears her swearing.
- In "Story Four: Namaste Noshery", John takes Samantha and Sophia to a restaurant where everything is named after feelings.
|
| 10
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10
|
Burn Vasectomy Milkshake Pong
|
December 10, 2015
|
Greg Malins
|
Jason Winer
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- In "Story One: Controlled Burn", when Jen is anxious about returning to work, Heather and Tim advise Greg to make Jen angry at him.
- In "Story Two: Vasectomy", Heather questions herself after Tim gets a vasectomy at her urging.
- In "Story Three: Milkshake", Joan learns her credit card has been stolen when strange packages she never ordered start arriving.
- In "Story Four: Ping-Pong", when Greg and Matt finish a game of ping-pong that an accident interrupted years ago, one of them loses a tooth.
|
| 11
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11
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College Stealing Santa Caroling
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December 17, 2015
|
Babara Adler
|
Phil Traill
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- In "Story One: College", Tyler announces his plans for being in a band with Clementine instead of going to college.
- In "Story Two: How Joan Stole Christmas", Joan apologizes for hijacking Lark's first Christmas from Jen and Greg.
- In "Story Three: A Gift From Santa", when Samantha sneaks out with her friends to the mall, she gets lice from the mall Santa's beard and she gets caught when a photo of her with the mall Santa is posted online.
- In "Story Four: John Goes Caroling", Colleen goes with John to meet with his Air Force buddies for their annual tradition of dirty Christmas caroling.
|
| 12
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12
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Bite Flight Wing-Man Bonnie
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January 7, 2016
|
Justin Adler
|
Helen Hunt
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- In "Story One: Bite", Sophia has a run-in with Pete, the son of Tim and Heather's new friends.
- In "Story Two: Flight", Greg and Jen attempt to take different flights on a vacation.
- In "Story Three: Wing-Man", Matt and John try to help Gary get back in the dating scene.
- In "Story Four: Bonnie", Matt's ex-wife, Bonnie shows up with a proposition.
|
| 13
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13
|
Party Lobster Gym Sale
|
January 14, 2016
|
Brad Copeland
|
Ken Whittingham
|
- In "Story One: Gym", Greg decides to get in shape after getting winded playing charades.
- In "Story Two: Party", while Tim and Heather have a get-away, the kids host a house party featuring Tyler's band, Funeral Goose.
- In "Story Three: Garage Sale", when Joan has a garage sale, Heather and Jen take the opportunity to sell some unwanted gifts at their own secret garage sale.
- In "Story Four: Lobster", a live Maine lobster sent to Tim by a friend goes missing.
|
| 14
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14
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Will Trash Book Spa
|
January 21, 2016
|
Kirker Butler
|
Jason Winer
|
- In "Story One: Will", Jen helps John and Joan with their will.
- In "Story Two: Trash", Tim, Heather and their kids have a contest to see who generates the least trash.
- In "Story Three: Book Deal", Colleen asks Matt to illustrate a children's book she is writing.
- In "Story Four: Couple's Massage", a couple's massage at a day spa for Greg and Jen doesn't turn out to be as relaxing as they expected.
|
| 15
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15
|
Soccer Gigi TV Mikey
|
February 4, 2016
|
Lesley Wake Webster
|
Alisa Statman
|
- In "Story One: Coach Matt", Matt takes over for Tim as coach of Sophia's soccer team, the "Bobcats", and has to deal with the kids' parents.
- In "Story Two: Tyler's First Car", Tyler and Clementine visit his great-grandmother Gigi Pirkle who has lost her driving license and wants to give her car to Tyler.
- In "Story Three: TV Sleeper", after Greg discovers restful sleep on the den couch, Greg and Jen find a creative solution to their sleeping woes.
- In "Story Four: Cousin Mikey", Joan's nephew Mikey comes by for a visit and seems to annoy the whole family.
|
| 16
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16
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Tattoo Valentine Guitar Pregnant
|
February 11, 2016
|
Alec Sulkin
|
Jason Winer
|
- In "Story One: Tattoo", Tim makes a spelling error when getting a tattoo, made by Lois to surprise Heather for Valentine's Day.
- In "Story Two: Valentine", after Matt scrambles to make some last minute dinner plans for Valentine's Day with Colleen, he ends up having to also invite his parents.
- In "Story Three: Guitar", when Tyler and Clementine go to a guitar store, the salesman, Ian repeatedly hits on her.
- In "Story Four: Pregnant", after Greg and Jen discuss possibly having another child, they are visited by a stork.
|
| 17
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17
|
Hair Recital Rainbow Mom
|
February 18, 2016
|
Elizabeth Tippet
|
Ken Whittingham
|
- In "Story One: Johnny Flyer Black", John tries to make himself look younger by dyeing his hair black, much to the dismay of the family.
- In "Story Two: Sophia's Piano Recital", Heather worries that Sophia's piano recital will be a disaster.
- In "Story Three: Invisible Rainbows", Jen, Greg and Lark go to an over-the-top "6-month birthday" party for Wilhelm full of overachieving parents who make them panic about getting Lark into a good preschool.
- In "Story Four: Mama Mia", Matt meets Colleen's mother, Mia for the first time. Later, Colleen breaks up with Matt.
|
| 18
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18
|
Sexting Mall Lemonade Heartbreak
|
February 25, 2016
|
Maggie Mull
|
Rebecca Asher
|
- In "Story One: What's Wrong With Heather?", Heather accidentally sends Tyler a sexy text message intended for Tim.
- In "Story Two: Irving Rosenblatt", Jen and Greg advise Samantha to talk in person to her social-media boyfriend, Irving Rosenblatt.
- In "Story Three: Lemonade", after John's new pet, a Shetland pony named Lemonade, ends up being unsuitable for their home, Joan gets him a Yorkie named Tank.
- In "Story Four: Girls' Night", Heather and Jen console Colleen and Matt over their break-up.
|
| 19
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19
|
Pestilence War Famine Death
|
March 3, 2016
|
Greg Malins
|
Phil Traill
|
- In "Story One: Pestilence", Greg and Jen have their exterminator, Oscar and his wife, Tulip over for dinner. Later, a rat is shown dragging away Greg's signed Playboy magazine.
- In "Story Two: War", John and Joan disagree with their neighbors, Darryl and Pam about who gets to use the hot tub when new property lines are drawn.
- In "Story Three: Famine", Matt and Colleen make an effort to be friends.
- In "Story Four: Death", John's heart stopped beating for 15 seconds during his minor nose surgery that Tim performed.
|
| 20
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20
|
Prank Assistant Gum Puppy
|
March 10, 2016
|
Barbara Adler
|
Chad Lowe
|
- In "Story One: Senior Prank", a drunk Heather and Tim switch letters around on a sign at Tyler's school, which causes trouble for Tyler.
- In "Story Two: Jen's Hot Assistant", Greg gets jealous of Jen's handsome new assistant, Jake.
- In "Story Three: Chewing Gum", Sophia gets gum stuck in her hair at Joan's house.
- In "Story Four: Puppy Love", John and Colleen secretly meet together along with their dogs at a dog park.
|
| 21
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21
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Cinderella Fantasy Prom Dougie, Part 1
|
March 31, 2016
|
Joe Cristalli
|
Phil Traill
|
- In "Story One: A "Cinderella Story", Tim believes wearing a Cinderella dress during March Madness is good luck, so he refuses to take it off in hopes that his alma mater's basketball team, the Gophers of Mount St. Gary's, will win.
- In "Story Two: The Secret Life of Greg Short", Greg fantasizes about what to write in a birthday card for his boss, Chase.
- In "Story Three: Prom Night", before Tyler goes to the prom, he receives unsolicited advice from his parents and grandparents regarding sex. At the prom, when Clementine gives Tyler a purity ring, he responds by asking her to marry him.
- In "Story Four: Matt's Choice", Jen sets Matt up on a blind date bowling with her coworker, Dougie. Later, Matt and Colleen get back together.
|
| 22
|
22
|
Crytunes Divorce Tablet Ring, Part 2
|
March 31, 2016
|
Justin Adler
|
Chad Lowe
|
- In "Story Five: CryTunes", Greg quits his job after creating a public funding campaign for his own invention, the "CryTunes" baby monitor that turns sounds of baby crying into soothing music. Also, Jen learns that she is pregnant.
- In "Story Six: Divorce", John and Joan reveal a secret they've kept from their kids for 35 years: they have been divorced since 1980 (the year before Greg was born).
- In "Story Seven: "Tablet", Heather and Tim try to make up for missing Samantha's Student of the Month Ceremony at school.
- In "Story Eight: Ring", Matt's plan to pop the question to Colleen at their book party keeps getting delayed by several family revelations: a remarriage proposal, a pregnancy, a lost job, and a recent teenage marriage. However, he does successfully propose to Colleen in his parent's bathroom.
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